Paradise Is Hell

Te Amo Corazon

2005-12-15T09:36:46Z

I'm so lost in my finances right now, it's unbelievable. I've got Lela's Christmas shopping figured out though. I just need to wait until I get paid tomorrow so I can actually afford her gifts. I'd like to spill the beans on what those gifts are, but for the sake of internet security, I won't until I give them to her.

Hopefully she works the same shift I do tomorrow. I need something nice to make work more enjoyable.

I Am Jack's Uncontrollable Excitement

2005-12-02T21:02:33Z

Rachel + Me + Movies = Best night ever

I adore that lovely lady and tonight will be wonderful.

What A Pity..

2005-11-11T21:48:25Z

I had just reached section C of the Pioneer Cemetary when she snuck up behind me.

"Do you have family buried here?"

"No", I replied.

"Why did you come here if you don't have anyone to visit?"

I told her, "I enjoy the conversation."

She looked at me with an intensity in her eyes like I was the frog on the dissection table and she was about to make the first cut.. and then she smiled.

She was beautiful. It's a pity I'll never see her again.

Pick My Brain..

2005-11-06T23:47:19Z

Last night I went with a group of mi amigos and saw Lazer Floyd at the OMSI Planetarium. Whoever thought of making a lazer light show to Dark Side Of The Moon was an absolutely wonderful genius. The show looked like the inside of my head - colors, shapes and faces all dancing and singing and laughing. Explosions, silence, darkness and then a burst of light that was so intense we were blinded for the good part of a minute. For that hour, I felt completely normal. Everyone was seeing what I see and feeling what I feel. That was the best night of my life.

God Does Not Want Me To Drive..

2005-11-03T08:04:48Z

I had just spent a comfortable half-hour at Clackamas Park, enjoying a couple of cigarettes and watching the skaters eat pavement, and I was now on my way back into town to get on my way home. I was cruising at about 45mph when I noticed something was going down in the cab of the pickup in front of me. I saw the driver reaching for something and rolling down his window and then suddenly, whoosh - a small yellow and white striped kitten is launched from the driver side window into the middle of the freeway.

I immediately put on my brakes and readjusted to miss the kitten, however, the car behind me hadn't seen what was happening and didn't have enough time to stop. The kitten became road kill and I honestly thought I was going to cry. I've been trained to kill humans with as little emotion involved as is possible, I can't, however, understand the taking of an innocent life, especially that of a harmless kitten.

I tailed the pickup for a couple of miles, planning to be the big man and confront the driver about their sadistic attempt at ditching an unwanted pet, when I thought twice about the consequences and just headed on home.

Some people don't deserve to live.

Stupid Stupid Stupid..

2005-10-31T19:47:50Z

So I'm sitting at a four-way, controlled intersection rocking out to System Of A Down when the light turns green. I notice just prior to my left-turn that something is wrong. The cars in front of me don't yield, the right-hand turners keep on turning and I'm moving head-on towards a long nap. I hit my brakes within inches of smashing face first into some poor woman who wanted nothing more than to get home after, well, whatever the fuck she was doing all morning; cheating on her husband, taking a routine trip to the doctor to find out she has breast cancer, the usual.

Quick reflexes saved the day this time around, as I quickly realized what was coming, kicked the brake pedal through the floor of the car and slammed it into reverse to reclaim the straight-ahead lane. Bad things happen when you're high on Jesus.

Reflection..

2005-09-01T00:10:22Z

After two and a half hours I'm finally within reach of the summit. I've been running full-force and I'm not sure how much more of this my body can take. Suddenly it happens - release, damnation, constructive destruction. As the bones of my leg separate and collapse, I lose conciousness.

1.. My body goes limp.

2.. I'm falling forward.

3.. Light turns to gray and solid becomes a liquid mess of mixed reality.

Then it's lights out. In one quick moment of pain and absolute rapture, it's over.

The world keeps moving, the day turns to night and this is my life. This must be what it feels like to be God.

Sup Update?

2005-06-09T03:13:02Z

I realized I haven't updated this thing for a while, so here's the current situation.

After an assload of paperwork, exams, physical testing and otherwise, I'm now officially a member of the United States Army. My MOS is 63M Bradley Services and Maintenance, which means I'll be working on Bradley vehicles and multiple launch targeting systems as a mechanic and technician. I was going to be a Cavalry Scout, however, my vision is holding me back. Once I rise in the payranks on this MOS though I plan to get laser surgery on my eyes and then reapply for the 11-Delta Cav Scout unit.

Anyway, I have PT this Saturday (mile run, sit-ups, push-ups..) and then I ship out for Ft. Knox on June 30th to begin my training. I'll be around in the meantime, so feel free to hit me up on AIM or MSN or whatever and give me some conversation.

Take care everyone.

You're In The Army Now

2005-06-02T17:48:54Z

Yes I am.

Adios LJ buddies. I'll be around for another week or so and then I'm out of here. Take care everyone.

As I Slept..

2005-05-28T03:37:28Z

I had a dream last night. It was a dream unlike any dream that I've ever had. I dreamt that there were no more wars. I dreamt that there were no more class divisions, or millionairs holding their endless riches just out of reach of the common worker. I dreamt that man, woman and child marched hand in hand through clean, violence-free streets and they were carrying a banner. They carried a red banner bearing a hammer, a sickle and a star. They carried this banner higher than they had ever carried any flag, even the blood stained flag of America in triumph of past battles for political and financial dominance over the unjustly-declared, '3rd-world' opposition.

I dreamt that this wave of life carried that banner for thousands of miles - they marched it across these so-called purple mountain majesties and amber waves of grain, and they buried the wooden shaft of that flag deep in the soil of this nation's capital.

I dreamt that this wave of people rose to it's crest and in one explosive sound declared, "We are free."

I dreamt that America had truly become a Democracy.

Then I awoke, and all I saw was suffering. I wish I could have gone back to sleep.

Save Our Schools

2005-05-09T12:28:26Z

The bourgeoise believe that a private education is a better education. They believe that by paying ridiculous fees to educate their children, they're doing their community a favour. They believe that their children will graduate smarter, and more proficient than a publicly educated child. This is not true. The number of misinformed adults is steadily overwhelming the number of intelligent, working class adults. Our public schools are dying because of the rich, right-wing conservatives and their lust for unnecessarily privatized education. Save our schools, and save the future of the working class.

Donate Today

Listen up, punks

2005-05-01T05:48:14Z

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government."

- The Declaration of Independence

The blatent hypocrisy of the modern conservative interpretation of this phrase is almost more than, as an American, I can bear. They [Bush and his minions] seem to believe that this freedom, this right to forcibly remove a government from it's ruling position, only applies to third-world countries, and anyone small enough for us to "assist" in the process for our own financial gain.

Am I a Socialist? Yes.
Am I an American? Yes.
Is it possible to be both? Of course.

However, the Conservative Christian Republican majority of this country seems to disagree. They believe, no, they have been fooled into believing, that to be an honorable American is to never question your government, and to never oppose your government. If you do, you're either labeled a terrorist, or you're convicted of treason, or both. Treason! You are considered a traitor to your country if you exercise the right bestowed upon you in this country's very own Declaration of Independence! What kind of misguided, poorly educated, Bourgeois society are we living in, where this kind of blatent contradiction is allowed to take place, and is in fact, embraced by the general public? What kind of nation do we live in, what kind of political system do we live under, where the President of the United States of America is allowed to commit brutal atrocities, and horrifying war crimes, and is still embraced by the majority of the American people?

There is endless propaganda against my people, against the Proletariat as a whole, and against the Socialist party. The Capitalists and the pseudo-democrats are terrified at the thought of losing their financial power. They're terrified at the thought of being on the same level as the people who put them where they are today. They're terrified to be a member of the working class, the very core of this country's existence, because that would mean equality. That would mean the loss of their blood money, and their filthy private property, and their over-priced private education. It would mean that they were no better than you or I, and that terrifies them.

The greed in this modern, Western society is out of control. Crime is rampant, our prisons pale in the face of their given purpose, and class antagonisms are at an unbelievable high. Can you tell me, what is the difference between the lower class, the middle class, and the upper class? Capital. Those who work have nothing, and those who don't work have everything. Thousands of our Proletariat comrades die every year for nothing more than furthering the Bourgeois financial status. Why are we dying for them? Why are we putting our families, and our rights, and our civil liberties aside simply so that they can become a little more rich than they were the year before? This is not our purpose, and it is not our destiny for our blood to be the ink with which they print their currency.

I am willing to lay my own life on the line for the rights and civil liberties of my people, and for the advancement of a better, safer, smarter Socialist nation. Can you say the same, or are you just another tool of the Capitalist machine? Think on it.

Sick

2005-04-30T22:48:54Z

Well, today I'm sick. I can't talk, I can't swallow anything thicker than water, I can't smoke, and if I try moving more than five feet I start coughing up my intestines, so I think I'll be staying home today.

On the fritz

2005-04-30T07:15:46Z

My computer was down and out for a day or so due to some hacking issues, but thanks to Jeff it is now up and running again. I missed my internet.

brokenunion @ 2005-04-22T09:35:00

2005-04-22T16:41:00Z

I anticipate the stereotypical waiting room; white walls, scattered paintings and anonymous photographs, wooden chairs with polyester seats. The windows, of course, will be kept covered with cheap venetian blinds that help dull the already monotonous atmosphere of the dank and molding lounge. A single wooden door guides me towards my destination, in an unexpected and unseen labyrinth of portals and blockades.

Suddenly, I'm at the end of the line, still half-asleep from the early start I was forced to accept. They help me find my seat in the tiny, 6x8 box they call an 'office'. That's when all hell breaks loose. All this work, just for some food stamps. God help us all.

brokenunion @ 2005-04-17T21:44:00

2005-04-18T04:45:30Z

I'm home, and I'm exhausted. I don't remember most of the weekend, because I woke up with a beer in my hand every morning and a bowl in my lungs, but I do remember it was incredibly fun, and we got some decent work done. I hope no one died or was eaten by a wild grizzly bear while I was gone.

brokenunion @ 2005-04-12T00:04:00

2005-04-12T07:05:10Z

My band is playing a talent show at West Salem High School this Friday, the 15th. The show starts at 7:00pm, and runs until about 9:00pm. The top prize is somewhere in the neighborhood of $75, and you all know we need that money, so come support us when it matters.

Also, we'll be in Salem until the 17th recording a CD and taking new photos, so I won't be online to update my journal. Sad. Wish us luck, and keep checking in for new updates in here. I've been motivated to get back into using this thing, so keep an eye out!

brokenunion @ 2005-04-10T16:19:00

2005-04-10T23:38:29Z

"The bourgeoisie has stripped of its halo every occupation hitherto honoured and looked up to with reverent awe. It has converted the physician, the lawyer, the priest, the poet, the man of science, into its paid wage labourers.

The bourgeoisie¹ has torn away from the family it's sentimental veil, and has reduced the family relation to a mere money relation."

Karl Marx - 'The Communist Manifesto'

¹Karl Marx uses the term 'bourgeoisie' to describe the middle class in a Capitalist society. Bourgeoisie is also a French term for a statesman, or a wealthy land-owner and employer of wage slaves.

It's shocking to think that this statement, written more more than 100 years ago, has come true. The upper and middle class of our modern Western society, has destroyed what we once called 'family values'. There is nothing left to honour in our cherished community positions, because unless you are yielding enough capital to feed your slave-master, you're not yielding enough to feed yourself.

Marx depicts his views on how the bourgeoisie has 'torn away from the family it's sentimental veil, and has reduced the family relation to a mere money relation.' In modern Western society we have thousands of single mothers, living on minimum wage slave labour and battling our civil law system for enough child support to keep her child out of a foster home. What kind of family values are those? What kind of man, what kind of honour is there, in leaving your companion in that situation? And what is the reason? Greed, fear, and a desperate reach for self-preservation, for the man himself is earning no more than slave-wages.

We eat more imported and foreign food than we eat homemade meals. We wear more imported and foreign clothes than we do American made materials. We drive more imported and foreign vehicles than we do American made machines. What has happened to the age of self-dependence? Marx describes this world-wide trade as intercourse, and that's exactly what it is; wide-spread, unsafe and unmonitored intercourse. The more dependent we become on other nations, the more vulnerable we become to our own errors. With fewer eyes in our own neighborhoods, are we really safe?

The industrial boom of the early 20th century marked not only an advance in factory production standards, but an advance in danger for the Proletarian, the working class. In tradition, the Proletarian's labour power is what is valued above their labour itself. However, with the introduction of more advanced machinery, that labour power is dwindling. Fluctuations in salary have become more and more extreme, and in some areas of the United States, minimum wage is the lowest it has been since the 1960's. The Proletarian is at danger of losing his rights, and his wages, all for the sake of producing more wares, producing more crops, producing more goods. What do you think will happen when we produce all that we can produce? It will become as though we have been robbed, as if our entire country is a giant well that has suddenly run dry. Overproduction is the grave-digger of Capitalism, and we are quickly approaching that epoch.

Capitalism is simply the doorway for Communism and Socialism. Worker unions, the London Labour Party; these are all Social-Democratic institutions. When the Capitalist grave-diggers have been unveiled, the Proletarians will revolt, and we will enter a new age of prosperity. We will enter the world of a worker-owned, and worker-run society. We will enter the age of Socialism.

What a day..

2005-04-09T22:49:25Z

My mother was rushed to the hospital at 8:00 this morning after waking up in a state of vertigo and nausea. She couldn't stand up, she couldn't walk, and she could barely breathe. Once she was in the emergency room, the doctors discovered that her blood pressure was in the neighborhood of 200/120.

She spent seven hours in the ER being treated in every way possible, and she was finally allowed to come home. Apparently she's developed an inner-ear problem for no given reason, and until that heals, her equilibrium is going to be a few shots off the mark. As for the lethally high blood pressure, they have no idea what instigated the rise.

There was a moment there when I thought my mom was going to die, and that was quite a reality check.

brokenunion @ 2005-04-04T20:59:00

2005-04-05T04:00:35Z

Come see my band at our very last show in Milwaukie. We'll be playing the Milwaukie Underground on Friday, April 8th. Admission is $5.00 at the door. This will be the last show we play in Milwaukie. From now on, you'll only be able to see us in Portland, Salem, Eugene, or up in Washington, so come check us out.

A Quick Announcement..

2005-03-28T10:31:33Z

Senor Frogg Presents..

Falling Closer
Union Of Attica
The Aftermath
The Awakened
Shatter The Scenery

The Meow Meow / SE 2nd & Ash in Portland
Friday, April 1st @ 7:00pm
ALL AGES VENUE

Tickets are $8.00 OR you can pay $10.00 @ the door

If you'd like to come see my band plus a few others, contact me for tickets, or just show up that night with $10.00 in hand. I hope to see some of you there.

brokenunion @ 2005-03-22T02:08:00

2005-03-22T10:12:15Z

I spent my evening with the most wonderful girl in the world. I hope and pray for an encore.

Oh, all your mysteries are moving in the sun
And show some love and respect
Wanna get some love and respect
Baby you can see that the gazing eye won't lie
Don't give up your lover tonight
Cause it's just you, me and this wire, alright
Let's tend to the engine tonight.

brokenunion @ 2005-03-19T16:42:00

2005-03-20T00:54:50Z

Last night, I dreamt that I was sleeping. I still can't figure out how exactly that works, but it did. If that's not worthy of the title of conundrum, I don't know what is.

If you believe in magic, clap your hands.

Let's beat up Grandpa.

Like a virgin..

2005-03-08T08:12:54Z

I set fire to the bedsheets, just so I could watch them burn.
I'm not insane, I'm just insecure, and the feeling won't die.
Solitude is not self-institutionalization, it's self-improvement.

I SEE YOU

brokenunion @ 2005-03-05T22:52:00

2005-03-06T06:55:49Z

I'm breaking my trend of political enlightenment and world awareness with this post, but I need to make a normal update just this once. For starters, my band (The Union Of Attica) will be playing at the Meow Meow in Portland on April 1st. Tickets will be $8, and go on sale this coming Monday (March 7th).

Secondly, our website is back up and running, but we no longer have our .com address. The new website can be found at http://www.theunionofattica.tk/, and yes there are pop-ups, so we apologize for that. Anyway, that's all I've got.